Certainty and Uncertainty 2

6 years later…

“I can not believe that happened.” I hear myself say. I needed this. I turned to him and I know he needed this as much as I needed him.

“Do you feel guilty? How are you feeling Caella?” He asked me, I think he is feeling guilty as well.

“It has been 5 years and it is not like we will become an item. I think we can say we are just doing favors for each other.” I answered him. It had been 5 years since I broke up with Warren. That break up messed me up a bit, however, I survived that and now here I am at 30 having no strings attached sex with an old friend. And then out of the blue, I remembered it and I laughed quietly at first and then loudly. Before I knew it I was crying and laughing at the same time.

“What is it?” He asked. He is beginning to worry with my laughing and crying at the same time.

“I remembered something” I told him and he leaned closer, “that last night you spent with us, we were having a party, it was Warren’s birthday and he asked me, that if would break up, who would I choose to date after the breakup, he asked if it was you?” I told him, and then I laughed at my answer. I told Warren, I will not choose anyone and I even had a fit about it, I hated that he asked that question. And yet here I am, doing the unthinkable I said I would not do 6 years ago. Does he know we would break up, another question popped in my head.

“Caella, you are scaring me. Can you please share your thoughts?” He asked patiently.

“Peniel, I think Warren was jealous of you. And I do not know why.” I answered him. Peniel did not say anything. Instead, he put his arm on his head.

“What was your answer to his question?” He asked me, I think he got curious as well.

“I did not choose anyone. My answer was I will always choose him.” I answered him, this time I felt that sadness again. I know Warren is already with someone else and is probably happy now, but here I am still hung up on him. I think Peniel felt my sadness, maybe out of guilt, he hugged me. And I felt the comfort I have not felt for a while. This is what I needed, a friend.

“Where have you been by the way? You just disappeared.”

We have not seen each other for a while and he lost contact with most of us, well I kinda did lose contact with most of our friends as well, as most of them were Warren’s friends. It was only Peniel and Jason and the girls who I mostly talk to from time to time. I made myself busy and I have a group of my own friends right now. However, I still consider Peniel one of my closest friends. After all, we have been friends since college.

I last saw Peniel 4 years ago, back when I was so heartbroken and was always drinking. Something almost happened between us. Thank God it did not happen, because if it did I think it would have broken me more.

But I really wondered what happened to Peniel. He is open and yet secretive at the same time. He can make you feel like he is your bestest friend in the world but at the same time, I hardly know anything about him. Peniel is mysterious. He is charming and mysterious. That is his thing I think.

“I have been here and there and nowhere” Peniel answered. “I almost got married and then that did not happen so I went around the world, far from my family. I traveled and worked whatever job I could find. It was nice. I met a lot of people and I learned a lot of things.” He said.

“You are one of the coolest people I know Peniel.” I told him, as I close my eyes to sleep.

When I woke up, Peniel was holding me, it felt nice.