Certainty and Uncertainty 3

It has been 3 months since the night Peniel and I slept together. We agreed not to have sex anymore not even to date each other intimately and not even talked about it at all. What we agreed with is just to be friends. It worked. Peniel is definitely a cool guy and a good friend. We became closer than before as well. He became more open, less mysterious. Unlike before he was always just fooling around. Maybe this time I get to know him more since Warren is not here. When Peniel and I were hanging together back then, it was always with our group of friends or with Warren, never alone, never just the two of us. It all turned out good because my company sent me to the company where Peniel is working to do some research. Learn about their strategy because our company is planning to expand their business and their role model is the company where Peniel works.

And since, Peniel is so nice, and is the only friend I have in this country, he insisted I stay with him until this research task of mine is done. Win-win situation for me, because I get to stay for free and experience a new country.

One night, while we are watching a movie… I have decided to ask him some personal questions since most ladies from his work are asking me alot about him. They are mostly curious as to what is my relationship with him. Apparently they can not believe that we are just friends. I just hope he would not feel like I am prying with his personal life.  

“Hey El,” I called him, he is busy at his kitchen preparing food for the two of us. One more thing I like about being his roommate, I am spoiled to death. He loves to cook. So I do the dishes to repay for his kindness. “I need to ask you something” I told him.

“What is it?” he answered me while bringing the sandwiches he prepared. “But before you do, grab the drinks, will you?” He said, bossing me around.

“Your lady co-workers are drooling over you. Did you know that?” I told him, and I feel nothing but pride that I am friends with a hottie. He laughed at that, as usual he gives this ‘no care with the world’ vibe. I shook my head, “no interest in any of them?” I know it is a rather personal question, I would not ask him these things 3 months ago but Peniel is opening up bit by bit. Still mysterious in a lot of ways though.

“Nope” He answered simply, with his ‘I-do-not-care’ voice tone.

“Well they figured you are not interested in them because they think we are together.” I told him. This time I got his attention.

“What did you answer?” He asked.

“Oh..that got you!” I teased, he gave this look I can’t read then he went back to his sandwich.

“You can say yes and it will be all over.” Peniel answered, back to his uncaring tone and ways. “Or just tell them I am gay.”

Gay! This is how uncaring this guy is. He would rather let others think of him as gay instead of being asked questions. I wish I could be as carefree as he is.

“I told them the truth.” I said, and he looked at me. I just realized what I had said. “Not that truth.” I told him, reading his mind.

“I was going to admire you if you did.” He teased. I know he did not mean that. He would actually freak out if the others will pry in his personal affairs. He firmly believes in the saying ‘mind your own business/none of your business’ which is his favorite phrase as well.

“I told them we are friends since college.” I went on, then he gave this sigh while he sipped his drink, “Then they asked why we did not become a couple, so I told them I had a boyfriend back then and I am not your type.” I told all him, he was half listening, he gave a smirk as answer. I know what he will say next.

“None of their business” he simply said and I smiled at that.

“But El, I want to ask, I am so curious of two things.” I told him, and I changed my sitting position to face him. This is how I want to talk to a person, face to face, all attention to that person only. Warren and I used talk like this.

With Peniel however, he turns his head towards me, but he still sitting the same position. As if I only have half of his attention, the other half with his sandwich. I am not sure if that is a Peniel thing or it is because we are not a couple.

“First, have you ever liked a girl before?” I asked him, I feel like this moment is just a one time thing, he might not allow this type of conversation later on, so  I asked my second question right away, “And I want to remember that wasted night years ago. I tried remembering things but I couldn’t remember anything about that night.”

He gave this sigh, he really does not like talking about these things. But I want to bug him about it. I find it fun and I hope he does not find this too annoying. I am planning to bake him a cake later on for this nuisance.

“Yes to the first question.” Peniel answered.

“And?” I asked him, wanting to hear more. I was always curious about his love life. I do not see him dating much and he does not show any interest with most ladies. I sometimes think that he is not into girls but then he does not seem to be into guys either. Besides we slept together, so I think he is not gay.

“Well there was this girl at the administration office back in college, I did not do anything about it because it was college and I figured we will be friends anyway. And I want to have fun and not be in a serious relationships.” Peniel said, with his bored tone of voice. Most student back in college really wanted to have fun more than to be in love. I wanted the latter. And I did find it.. But lost it…

“Okay, 4 years of college and you did not even introduce yourself?” I asked him again. Peniel just gave a shrug. I am not sure whether that is a yes or a no. She did not know anything about this girl, which did not surprise her, Peniel is somewhat secretive regarding these things. “Then?”

He gave another deep breath before answering, “Another time, we were hanging out by the beach. I saw this girl that is just exactly my type. She had a boyfriend so I did not do anything.”

“So what if she had a boyfriend? You should have at least introduce yourself. What if they broke up? What if she is single now?” I asked continuously.

“It just felt wrong. Would you want if someone would do that to you and Warren?” Peniel answered.

“Well it is not me and Warren! And we don’t know them so we don’t care about them. We only care about you!” I teased him but of course I agree that it was the right choice. I would hate it if someone would try and hit on me or on Warren knowing that we were in a relationship. “Then?” I asked him again.

He sipped a drink, “well there was this time, a girl asked me if we ever could get serious with our relationship, do I think we would work out? And I said no, because I think she was still hung up with her ex at that time.”

“Yeah, girls hung up on exes are not good.” I agreed with him, this is why I do not go on dates because I know in my heart I am still hung up on Warren. “So that’s it?”

“There is this girl at work.. But of course I did not tell her anything yet.” Peniel answered again.

“Okay so you lost 3 girls already, and you are about to lose the 4th one. Are you not scared that this is your last chance for love. I mean some people just have this chance once in their lifetime. But for you, it is the 4th time. Are you not going to do anything about it? What if one of those girls is the one?” I asked him again, I can not believe that he was just letting these kind of chances pass him by.

“I don’t know. If it is meant to be it will happen, if not it will not. And I have this feeling that usually it is not meant to be.” He told me, well he does have a point.

“At least let the girl know. Or date. People are starting to wonder if you are gay!” I teased, by people I meant me.

He laughed at that. This is what I like about Peniel. He is carefree and hardly thinks of what people think of him. He will always laugh at things like this. Even the girls he liked, not doing anything about it, makes him so Peniel. Unlike Warren, if Warren likes something he goes for it. And he always cares about what other people think of him.

“You know that I am not gay.” He said with a knowing smile and an evil smirk, as if he knew that it was me who is wondering mostly. I slapped him at that. He just laughed at that again. As usual.

“And the second thing?” I asked him. This time this question makes me feel a little bit nervous.

“Caella, you were drunk at that time. Drunk and heart broken.” He told me, his whole body facing me for the first time this night, I felt like I have all his attention. I never noticed his long lashes and his lazy eyes till now. “You were saying things like what if you and I become a couple or what if we just use each other for sex… blah blah blah” Peniel said, “It was all trash talk.” He rolled his eyes, “I have had it with your broken heart talk, self pity bullshit, so I told you to shut up and get yourself together.”

“You are harsh!” I told him, good thing I do not remember it then. He laughed again.

“You needed tough love at that time” He answered laughing even harder. I am so grateful to have a friend like him. Of all my college friends, I am closest to him at the moment, and for the first time after a very long time, I am truly happy.

“We should go on a vacation sometime.” I told him.

“Ahuh” Peniel said with his usual bored tone of voice. “Make it winter” he grinned. “So that the theme would be boring and nowhere to go!” he laughed. This is Peniel, he is always teasing and never takes me seriously.

“I am serious. We should and I want somewhere adventurous. Like hiking or star gazing.” I told him, ignoring the fact that he is now mocking me.

“Sure I’d go with you. I have no other friends but you at the moment.” He just said, he got up to clear the plates. “I must have killed some good king in my past life to get stuck with you in this life” he said shaking his head and smiling evilly.

“So mean!” I glared at him. I heard him laugh at that.

“You should go on dates and bug someone else with these questions.” Peniel said. I think I really annoyed him tonight. But it was worth it. He seems like he is amuse more than annoyed anyway.

“Hmmm I don’t know… Warren is the only person i have dated..” I told him, suddenly realizing that fact as well.

“And you have the nerve to nag at me for not the telling the person I like!” Peniel protested, sitting down beside me. I had to laugh at that. “I will make you a deal. Go on dates then I will tell that girl from work that I like her. And if we both get rejected, let us take that vacation. We call it ‘Rejection holiday’!” He continued, laughing then I joined him. I don’t know if I should tell him, that he is somehow my hero, he had saved me couple of times. Maybe we should date each other, but then he already likes someone at work. And I do not know if he likes me like that, I am not sure if I like him like that either. But I am so curious to see that side of Peniel. I think he would be a great boyfriend, maybe even better than Warren. Whoever that girl is, she is lucky. I hope she takes care of Peniel. I am so happy for him. Nah, we should not be a couple. I love him around. I do not want to lose him like I did Warren.

“I like the idea.” I told him, while I lay my head on his shoulder. Yup this is just perfect.