Process

Enjoy the process, and embrace the journey. Where to begin?

I moved to Turkey about a year ago, and my goals were to be a writer and to find true love. Where am I currently? I am in the process. When I realized that, I was annoyed, impatient, and quite depressed. I felt like I was always in this, and I never moved, like nothing changed, and everything was just the same. I felt stuck in my own process, and so I sought help.

My therapist, Dr. Zeynep, mentioned one of the most “ah-ha” moments, and yet, the one thing that I already know: life is but a process and a never-ending journey. I didn’t understand it in the beginning, I couldn’t take it in. Then she also mentioned how focused I was on the end result like my book being published and the happy relationship I always dreamt of. She said I forget one thing in this dream, the process of getting there and having that life. I need to do the actual work. And my impatience got the best of me. So, I asked more questions, what’s the reason for this? I realized that I was raised to focus on the result. I remember I would study hard to get good grades. But I never truly focused on what I was learning. Was I enjoying it? I didn’t and it didn’t matter to me, the grade mattered. At work, I was the same, I never focused on how to do things or the details. I hated them, and I was overworked and just simply passed by them and focused at the end! Surprisingly, it always seemed like I was never near my end goals. It felt like I was chasing butterflies. It was frustrating!

The good news is that out of my frustration comes the realization “enjoy the process.” I once heard that focus on working on your own garden and the butterflies come to you. I asked myself how do I do that? How to work in our own garden? How to enjoy the process of life, where we are all at most of the time! If you think about it, the results are just but a fleeting moment. That’s when I remember that as a kid, I used to dance and I loved it! I loved the long hours of practice day by day for a 4-minute song we would perform. I didn’t feel tired, and frankly, I didn’t really care much whether the audience would like our performance. I just loved every minute of it. I loved the idea that I was learning the steps, and then practicing them to perfection. I’d do it over and over again until I got it right, and even when I got it right, I’d do it one more time. The achievement and glee I felt as I learned those steps felt 100 times better than the applause of the audience. I wanted to connect with that happy dancing kid.

Years later, here I am, trying, living, and learning that we spend most of our time in life as a journey and never at our destination. We tend to grow, evolve, and change, so our goals and destination change too, but the journey is where we always are. I have certainly no idea how to fully enjoy the process, but I can think of the little things along the way – like rediscovering the things I love: dancing, writing, just sleeping in, just being with myself, getting lost in my own thoughts or writing them down, every single little thing that brings joy into my day, I am learning to appreciate, and knowing that all these small details (whether I enjoy them or hate them) will help me along my journey. Everything is connected, there’s nothing that I am doing and experiencing that will not be a contribution to my growth. I am learning to let go of the outcome. I am doing my best to do the actual work. I am learning to enjoy the process. I am learning patience. I am learning to trust the natural flow of things, especially what’s meant to be. And lastly, although I knew this all along, I am reminding myself that the best is always yet to come.